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July 18, 2025
5 minutes

How do I “toilet train” my child?

Using a toilet is a skill almost all children can acquire, but some disabled and neurodivergent children may need more support and practice to get there. Other children may never get there, but if you’re on this journey, these tips still might be some help.

The three key stages are the same for all children – preparation, practice, and persistence.

Preparation

Feelings – Before even starting the training, parents should check in on their own feelings and motivation. For a successful outcome, it’s important that you don’t feel anxious or pressured by friends and relatives – your child will notice this and may become stressed and uncooperative. The toileting journey should be fun and stress-free – keep positive and support your child even if it gets hard. Celebrate each achievement, no matter how small.

Support – Getting your child toilet-trained isn’t a one-person job. You’re going to need the support of your partner, family members or any other people involved in their care. You also don’t want your child to receive confusing or inconsistent messages about how and when to go to the toilet, so make sure everyone is on the same page before you begin. If your child is already at school, contact their teacher and teacher aide (if they have one).

Gather data – Take note of your child’s peeing and pooing behaviour over a few days and see what patterns emerge. For example, record how long after drinking they pee, what time of day they usually poo, how many times a day they poo, how long the average time in between is.

Timing – Choose a suitable time to start toilet training. For best results, figure out a time when neither you or your child are likely to be stressed or busy with other concerns such as moving house or schools, or other life changes. The Christmas holidays might seem ideal, but don’t start until the festivities are over, once you’ve had a chance to recover and your house is calm.

Practice

The key to a successful toilet plan is to work around your child’s specific needs and routines and getting their buy-in to this new adventure. Explaining how our bodies get rid of the food we don’t need through poo and wee might help. Make sure they know it’s a sign our bodies are healthy and working well. Congratulate them if they successfully get all of their pee (or most of it) or a poo into the toilet.

If your child is making steady progress, and their toiletingjourney is enjoyable and consistent, now is the time to fade out. As your childgets accustomed to their new toileting routine, tell them as they are in thefinal stages of toileting (pulling up their trousers or washing their hands)that you’ll see them when they’re finished in the kitchen or living room.Gradually you can remove yourself from the process all together and let yourchild enjoy their new independence.

Other key factors to your toilet plan:

  • Consistent language including sign-language, that everyone in your toilet team will use for toileting activities helps a great deal. Try to use factual and accurate language if you feel comfortable.
  • Break down the process into easy-to-manage steps. As time goes by your child will be able to manage more and more of these steps by themselves, such as pulling down their trousers. It doesn’t matter if their mastery of each step does not happen in chronological order.
  • Decide how your child will be prompted to go to the toilet if they don’t ‘feel’ the need to go. Will it be a visual or verbal cue?
  • Decide when your child should be prompted to go to the toilet. For example, twenty minutes after meals, before leaving the house, going to bed, or after they’ve had some water or juice.
  • Decide how long they should sit on the toilet for, and what toilet specific activities can happen - singing a favourite song, using an ipad or phone, reading a book, playing with their designated toilet toy.
  • Put your child in easy to remove clothing. Try to avoid zips, buttons or hooks. Track pants are ideal. One-piece outfits and overalls can be tricky.
  • Gather any aids they need such as a child-friendly toilet seat, foot stool, or a specially installed bar. Make sure they’re set-up and ready.

Persistence

As with any journey, there is always potential to get stalled or waylaid. Try to stay positive.

Tips to remember:

  • Your child may take longer to master the toileting process – be patient and positive and don’t try to rush it.
  • Never force your child to go to the toilet, physically or verbally.
  • Even if you're feeling frustrated, don’t let your child know. Remember: they are doing their best.
  • Focus on one stage at a time and be enthusiastic about the process - celebrate flushing a poo down the toilet, for example.
  • Make sure your child has everything they need to feel comfortable and happy sitting on the toilet.

For more information on getting your child toilet-trained, see the resourcs and related articles below, or contact the IHC Library on 0800 442 442 or email librarian@ihc.org.nz

Helpful materials

Resources

A range of resources offering guidance and strategies for effective toilet training and managing bowel and bladder health in children.

Childrens Books

Children's Books offering guidance for parents, professionals, and carers.

Author PhotoEmily Writes

I'm a parent to two incredible kids and I live in Wellington. My children and the families I met on the children's ward radicalised me! I realised I wanted to devote my life to creating and supporting communities as I truly believe we are stronger together.

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