Everyone feels anxious at some point in their lives, so rather than trying to prevent anxiety altogether, you can learn how to manage it effectively.

If anxiety is having a negative impact on your life, it’s understandable that you don't want your child to struggle too. As many parents know, young children are sponges and can copy behaviours and attitudes.

Managing anxiety can be hard, but by doing so you'll be showing your child that they can manage theirs too.

How do I do that?

1. First, recognise the key components to your anxiety. This might be lots of worrying, negative thoughts, being a perfectionist, exaggerating problems, and being overly concerned with other people’s opinions.‍
2. Learn how to self soothe. Challenge your pessimistic thinking - ask yourself if there is any real basis to your fears, or if they are imagined. And if ‘the worst’ happens, what could you do about it? Would it really be as bad as you're picturing it in your head?‍
3. Be aware when your ‘inner-voice’ becomes self-sabotaging. Talk to yourself as kindly and reassuringly as you would to your child. ‍
4. Build your confidence and resilience. Model the behaviours and attitudes you want your children to have. ‍
5. Be open about your anxiety. This shows your child that it isn't something to be ashamed of – it’s just another a part of who you are, and we can learn how to cope with it and not let it interfere with our lives.‍
6. Prioritise self-care. Think about what makes you feel good – connecting with friends, spending time on a hobby, walking on the beach – and think about what gets in the way of you doing those things. Getting enough sleep is also important, and cutting back on caffeine and alcohol can also improve wellbeing.

Things to keep in mind

Remember, even small behavioural changes on your part, modelling how to handle anxiety, can positively influence your child.

Share your stories of your own struggles and let them know how you re-framed them as an opportunity to learn and grow. 

Remember this phrase ‘I’m doing the best I can with what I have, and so is everyone else’. Make it your motto, as well as your child’s.

If your child is also dealing with anxiety, check out our other article for more ideas on how to support them.

You might find the helplines below useful, or for more resources on coping with anxiety, contact the IHC library to have a chat about what you need on 0800 442 442 or email Librarian@ihc.org.nz

Helplines:

• Anxiety New Zealand: 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
• 1737: Free call or text 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor
• Depression.org.nz: 0800 111 757 or text 4202
• Kidsline (for people up to 18 years): 0800 543 754
• Whats Up (for 5 to 18-year-olds): 0800 942 8787
• thelowdown.co.nz , Web chat, email chat or free text 5626
• Youthline: 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354
• Samaritans: 0800 726 666
• Suicide Crisis helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)