Puberty can be a time of angst and emotional turmoil for teens, and that includes disabled and neurodivergent teenagers.

The hormone fluctuations that drive the physical changes in your teenager can also play havoc with their emotions. Sensitivity, short-temper, hyperactivity and anger are just some of the emotional states your teen may go through over the course of a day, sometimes within a matter of minutes.

Some disabled children will have difficulty understanding and identifying the new, intense feelings they are experiencing. It may be up to you to help them label and express these feelings in a healthy way.

6 tips for supporting your teen

1. Talk to your child about what is happening with their body and their emotions. Use picture cards, books and social stories if this is something they respond to.
2. Don't judge and lecture. Opt for listening and supporting instead. Acknowledge and validate their feelings.
3. Don’t try and solve their problems for them – instead talk about possible approaches they could take to resolve the issue. Let them take the lead.
4. Don’t take it personally if your child finds you embarrassing or annoying. Remember, they are in the process of finding out who they are and putting distance between themselves and you is part of that process, whether it’s forming new relationships, developing new hobbies and interests, trying on their new identity for size.‍
5. Allow your child to take risks to grow and mature, but that you're looking out for them. Give them plenty of opportunities to make choices and to manage risks associated with those choices.
6. Be careful not to assume your child’s erratic behaviour is entirely because of hormones and puberty. It's important to investigate if there are other reasons for their behaviour. Bullying at school, struggling with academic pressures or confusion about their sexual identity are all possible contenders. Simple explanations are not always the best fit.

Key messages for tell your teen:

• You love and support them and will respect the choices that help them grow.
• The feelings they’ve having are normal and are part of being a teenager. They may seem overwhelming at times, but it won’t always be like this.
• There are techniques to manage their feelings when they seem like they’re out of control
• If they're home and upset, ask them to let the family know they're going to take some quiet time (in their bedroom perhaps,) until they're feeling better.
• Tell them to do something that relaxes them – listen to favourite music, play a musical instrument, practice some mindful breathing, go outside and enjoy fresh air.
• Make sure they get enough sleep and eat healthy and nutritious things.
• They can talk to you or a trusted adult they trust if anything's bothering them.
• They should set aside some focus time to set goals and challenges, thinking about their strengths and weaknesses. 

The emotional tumult of puberty typically lasts for two to three years. This can seem like an eternity, but once you’re out the other side, with luck, you’ll have a resilient, self-aware young adult. Just remember to be kind and respectful to yourself and them in the meantime.